I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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