I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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