genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
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my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
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The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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