im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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