Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize