I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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