he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
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That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize