i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
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As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
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He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
we should paint friendship bongs
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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