I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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