i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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