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does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
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