We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Someone came in the potted fern
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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