Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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