some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
being pregnant is like rehab
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I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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