Christians are straight up FREAKS
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
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the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
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I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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