Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize