i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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