I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
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They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
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Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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