Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize