i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
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Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize