I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize