batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
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You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
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At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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