Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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