you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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