Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
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Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
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Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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