it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
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I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
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Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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