Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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