You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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