Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize