alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
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She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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