bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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