Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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