Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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