Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize