i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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