I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize