dude i'm inner monologue high
My cat gives me a boner
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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