Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it's great music for shaving your balls
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She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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