I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Me too!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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