I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
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Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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