who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
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i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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