Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
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I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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