did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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