I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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