theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We're too hungover to prance.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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