A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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