You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize