The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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