he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
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Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
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Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize