my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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